Monday, January 13, 2020

My Thoughts... The First Three Years of Marriage

I've heard people say the first two years are the hardest for a marriage. There are hundreds of articles around the internet that state this. Once the "honeymoon" is over, it's time to settle in together. This means figuring out how to handle different aspects of your lives, like finances and household tasks just to name a couple.

From the day we got married at the courthouse.

Kyle and I got married on January 13th 2017, meaning today is our three year anniversary! We were together for one full year before that, so it's been a total of four years. I still can't believe we've known each other that long, and yet it feels like I've known him for much longer.

So, are the first two years the hardest?

Honestly? They were difficult, yes, but I don't feel they were extremely hard. We had our moments, of course, as all married couples do. And while in those moments you wonder what's going on and why life isn't as peachy as it was a week ago, you know deep down that the fight is only temporary. More often than not, we've learned over the years how to work things out easier and to not let certain issues become big ones. If one of us forgets to do something, we try to opt for gentle reminders rather than angry tirades.

Since I suffer from depression and anxiety, there have been days when things were harder than they should be. If I'm already either depressed or anxious, when something comes up that's upsetting it can create more trouble than intended. Both of us have experienced things in our lives that made us more sensitive to certain situations. So, there has been a lot we've had to adjust to and learn about each other, but I've noticed that we both have been acknowledging these things rather than jumping to wrong conclusions.

How about that third year?

This last year has been another up and down sort of year, more when it comes to life in general than with our relationship. We attempted to get our first home only to have it fall through, which was upsetting not only because of the money lost for the inspection and appraiser, but also for the frustration and waiting for nothing. I also started working full-time again, only for my department to be dissolved five months later. We traveled to Florida for my brother's wedding, which was lovely. Plus it was my first time going to Florida and flying on a plane. And instead of starting another new job, we agreed to have me stay at home to work on both Ebay and my PA job (personal assistant to authors). Even though there were times when I'd just about had enough of the rollercoaster, at the end of the day I was grateful for what I had.

If I'm being completely honest, I think the third year was when Kyle and I finally hit our stride. We learned to communicate better, to explain ourselves more so that we understood where the other was coming from. And even with the handful of bad days, everything worked out in the end. We may not have started out as friends prior to dating, but I consider Kyle to be my best friend. He's the one I want to tell everything to, he has the shoulder I want to cry on, and he's the one I want to celebrate with when something great happens.

At my brother's wedding last summer.

What about the fourth year?

I'm not sure what to expect! This fourth year of marriage will be the fifth year together, and I feel that's kind of a milestone, especially for two people who met on a dating website. We're hoping to reach certain goals this year, including possibly looking for a house again and maybe taking a mini vacation. Having a house would make our lives much easier, especially when it comes to our Ebay store. And we can get cats, which we're both excited about.

All in all, this journey of marriage has been a blessing more than anything. I've grown closer to Kyle and fall in love with him more and more every day. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true, and I couldn't be more grateful to have found him.

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