If we were having coffee... I would tell you that I have gone through a lot of ups and downs in the last few years. Although it has gotten a lot better in recent times, I still have my moments, moments of questioning if I'm truly happy. While these "downs" try to completely bring me down, I've grown so much stronger as time has gone on that they never do. They do take their toll on me, there's no doubt there. But if you were to compare how I react today to how I reacted a few years ago, you would see how much I've learned to let go and move on. I have resolved to turn these bad moments into fuel to make things positive again. And that's what keeps me going.
If we were having coffee... I would say that this last year has been full (and I mean FULL) of new things. These things aren't all big things either (like moving out on my own). It's the little things too. Like how the other day, a stranger at the gas station told me that the front tire on my car was low and I should fill it up. This time last year, I probably would have had a panic attack over what to do, but the new me? I pulled my car around to the air compressor and filled it up, even though I've never used one before. It has been quite a learning experience for me. Sometimes it's scary to be put in new situations or learn new things, but it has been very good for me. Empowering.
If we were having coffee... I would tell you about how I've been going through a little bit of a reading and writing slump lately. It's been a back and forth thing all year long, but I've been noticing that it's really changing. I love to read but I think that my blog has gotten in the way of my writing. It's a catch-22 though because this blog is what helped GET me there with my writing and publishing my first novel. It's frustrating that I feel like I have to choose between the two.
If we were having coffee... I would admit that it's not only my blog getting in the way of my writing. It's also because of, you guessed it, distractions. Numerous people in my life can attest to my tendency toward ADD. Sometimes it's ADD, sometimes it's just me feeling a little off my game, maybe a little unmotivated. And sometimes a little bit overwhelmed. Writing and publishing If Only We has been an accomplishment beyond my wildest dreams. But getting me to sit down and focus on the next one? I still haven't figured out that trick. I'm getting better though because I'm determined to keep writing. There are so many stories in me that need to be written. I just need to convince myself of this and not allow all these distractions to distract me. Easier said than done but I'll get there.
If we were having coffee... I would tell you how frustrated I am figuring things out. I have all these dreams and hopes and desires and wishes and it constantly feels like they're going to go unfulfilled. When I start to feel that way, it starts to erode my motivation. Yet, remember what I was saying above about how differently I would have reacted a year ago? It's the same here. I may keep getting frustrated, irritated, and, yes, sometimes even mad when things seem to be going the wrong way. But buried away inside of me is this thing. And this thing is called determination. And that determination is what keeps me moving forward, continuing to dream and hope and desire and wish, and I know that someday everything will fall into place. All I need to do is keep working toward it, and never give up.
If we were having coffee... I would say that I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Everything and everyone in it I am grateful for. I may have goals to meet and places to see but I am always going to love and cherish everything and everyone that leads me to them. Because without everything and everyone in my life right now, those things wouldn't be on the horizon waving me in. There are beautiful things in the world around us and if we choose to believe in them AND believe that we ourselves can reach them, life will be amazing.
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So, there you have it my lovely friends. My coffee confessions. It would be great to hear what you would have to say if we were having coffee. ^_^
