Change is Inevitable

"Change is inevitable."

You hear it all the time: Life is change; Everything changes; Change is inevitable.

It's true.

This is something I've always known, and have experienced on a number of occasions. However, there are certain things in life that you don't anticipate and can throw you.

Over the years I've been struck by sudden changes that have been frustrating, shocking, and downright devastating. Sometimes you think you know what's what, but you discover you were wrong.

It's something I've been having to come to terms with since the new year started. The things I thought I knew, the things I believed were true... well, I might've been wrong the whole time.

This could be a bad thing, and sometimes there is a negative connotation attached to the change. However, I've been noticing that these changes, even if they have a slight sting, can be a good thing in the long run.

How can a change that on the surface feels negative end up being good?

Take for example, friendships. I've felt the pain of losing close friends over the years. Sometimes it's my fault, sometimes it's theirs, sometimes we're both to blame, and sometimes you just drift apart because you're growing in different directions. While the hurt from that loss of a longtime friend becoming somebody you used to know, sometimes it's for the best.

I look back at friends I've lost over the years and no matter the reason for the loss, I've come to terms with it. Somehow, someway, though anger and tears, I've learned to cope. Has it been an easy journey? No. Do I still think of them from time to time? Yes, but fewer and far between as months go by.

Even if a friendship explodes in a yelling match, or ends abruptly, or distance comes between, maybe someday you hope that you can both grow enough to come back together again. I've reconnected with some people I used to be close to many years ago, people I never thought I'd talk to again. And guess what? Now that we're both older and wiser and have grown into who we were meant to be, we can have a great conversation and the air is finally cleared.

Life is all about change.

Personally, professionally, relationships, etc. Things are going to change.

Some of us may need to reevaluate our surroundings, decisions, goals, and future in general.

Some of us may have to go through ten different jobs before we find the one that works best for us.

Some of us may end up losing people we thought we would have in our lives forever.

But we'll get through it, one day at a time, because sometimes that's what we need in the long run.

Being Afraid to Write

This is kind of a pretty tough topic to write about, and it scares me to even type this out. But writing? It's hard. Plenty of authors have discussed how difficult it can be over the years, and even I have felt those same feelings.

Here's the thing, though. Writing is hard, yes, and I think sometimes it can be discouraging when we're our own worst critic. Sometimes for me, it's another thing entirely.

Sometimes I'm afraid to write.

Not because I'm worried about what I'm writing or how it will be received by readers. No, this is something different.

What I'm talking about is when I open up a document, stare at it, and then my heart starts racing. Why is my heart racing? Because the fear has taken hold of me. The blank page, the inability to convey what I want to, the desire to write better than I'm able to... everything races through my brain all at once and I'm scared to begin.

The thing is, I want to write. I want to write and I plan to write and I hype myself up to write. And then, that moment I settle in and have the free time available to actually write? I'm a deer in headlights, terrified of the bright screen in front of my eyes.

What is causing this to happen?

When it comes down to it, honestly I feel it's because I've been dealing with a lot over the last decade. I pushed through most of it, allowing my determination to follow my dreams to carry me through. Then after a few really emotional months, I let my writing fall to the wayside. It stopped being a priority and the longer I went without writing, the more I feared getting back to it.

This rang especially true when I did begin writing the first chapter of a new story. It came out forced and stilted, which is how my writing was back when I started on this journey all those years ago. The last thing a person wants is for their skills to go back to beginner and have to start over again. It's frustrating and can cause a person to want to give up.

I love writing.

I genuinely love to write. My imagination has always run wild ever since I was a precocious little girl, and to be able to finally articulate a story makes me feel so accomplished and proud. I'm proud of myself, of how far I've come, of what I have accomplished.

These fears will probably never leave me. Even if I can manage to push through them even on my worst days, they'll likely remain below the surface waiting for me to doubt myself again. However, I can remind myself that it's only temporary.

It's only temporary.

It'll pass and I'll be able to write. Once I get started, once I let myself start, the words come out in a rush. And the smile it brings to my face is enough to keep the momentum going, to not allow fear to halt my typing fingers.

I don't know if anyone else has found themselves in this kind of predicament, but I can only hope that it comforts you to know you're not a failure and you're not alone. We can both get through these struggles and write.

My thoughts on... Poetic Justice

I like seeing poetic justice.

It's something that sits there deep inside me, and when it doesn't happen, it's like a devastating blow to the stomach. When a bad person does something horrible, my first instinct is "make them pay." I know on the surface that probably sounds very bad in itself, but please allow me to explain.

In a couple books I read recently, there were things that happened to the protagonist that made my heart hurt. These things (rape and bullying) left the characters broken in one way or another. And even though it's a book and these characters aren't real (please don't throw any books at me for saying that), I know deep down that these things did happen in real life to someone.

That hurts my heart even more.

In both of these books, the protagonist has to struggle not only with what happened, but also with justice not being served. The rapist and bullies go free to do whatever they please, never paying for their crimes. While the protagonist manages to get through this and eventually learns to live with it, my heart? It still hurts.

This is a sad fact of life, though. These things happen and there are often times where the guilty party gets out without a scrape.

There's a part of me that wishes and hopes that justice will happen for these characters, but the reality is that it most likely won't. It breaks the heart, yes, but it's true. While I find no justice upsetting, I applaud the authors who are willing to write these stories, giving a voice to the person out there facing the same thing. Even though life may be hard, knowing there is someone else out there like you, who understands and can persevere, makes all the difference in the world.

So thank you, authors, for not always giving us what we want to hear, for being brave enough to tell the hard stories, for being willing to be honest, and for showing us that we are not alone.

Life starts now.

As some of you may know, I very much love To Write Love On Her Arms. It's an amazing movement that offers hope to the hopeless and I have to say, the encouraging words they post keep me positive and happy. There was a post entitled "Welcome to Midnight" on their blog (first posted in 2011) and they've been heavily promoting it this year too. I absolutely fell in love with it. There is something about it that just causes me to become full of life again.

I am always talking about how I want to make a certain year the best year ever. I say it every year. I said it for 2013 here on this blog. And every year goes by with not much changing. 2013 brought about some bigger changes than normal for me, and they've been great. However, I want more in 2014. Just as I do every year.

As far as WHAT I want in 2014, I haven't quite figured that part out yet. I don't want to write up some list of things I want to do because as soon as lists are involved in a plan like this, nothing happens (just like several things I thought I could do in 2013 never happened). If I restrict myself to a list, I may not be open to possibilities. And that's what I want: to be open to amazing possibilities and opportunities and to take them. I have so many things on my bucket list (AKA my Jessica List) and when the chance arises, I will make it happen.

I may be only 28 but I feel as though there is much to do while I'm still young. I want to do these things. I don't want life to pass me by and then one day I wake up and I'm too old to do them anymore.

It's time.

I want 2014 to become the best year ever. Will it? Only time can tell. And even if it doesn't, you better believe I am going to try my hardest to make it as amazing as I possibly can.

Life starts now.

Making 2013 The Best Year Ever...

Upon stepping into 2013, I had very high hopes. A very optimistic view. You remember my post on January 1st about living life to the fullest and making every moment count. I was determined to make 2013 the best year ever. I created a bucket list on Pinterest. I even filled out Susannah Conway's Unravelling the Year Ahead workbook. I had goals and dreams and I was so excited for 2013.

Did 2013 turn out to be the best year ever? I don't want to outright say no, because that almost makes it sound negative. It wasn't the "best year ever" but it wasn't everything I hoped.

In the last month or so, I've been having slightly negative thoughts about 2013. I knew the year was almost over and there was so much more that I wanted to do, so much more that I wanted to be. It was really getting to me and I knew that if I kept the negativity up, it was not going to help me move forward in life. So I took a step back and considered the positive things that did happen in 2013 and see what it meant to where I am now.

You know what I discovered? 2013 was a much more important year in my life than I ever imagined possible.

I may not have accomplished several things I wanted to, but I finished and published my first novel. I may not have gotten out of pharmacy forever, but I'm in a job that I'm really enjoying. I may not be as fearless as I would like to be, but my confidence alone has built up higher than I ever thought possible. And I may not have done much with friends throughout the year, but I have learned so much about life in general from them.

I went into 2013 expecting one thing, but I came out of it with something else entirely. I've become a new person, one with a new perspective. Every day is a learning experience. Every person we encounter has something to teach us. If we turn our backs on these things, we're going to have a lot of regrets.

Honestly? 2013 didn't happen how I thought it would. Not everything went as planned. Or as I expected them to. And yes, some things didn't happen as I wanted them to. And yet, everything that did happen--I'm fine with it. More than fine. Like I always say, I'm not going to regret things because without them I'm not me. So, the good and the bad and even the things I kinda sorta regret, I'm glad for them all. I needed this year, more than I thought.

I am grateful for everything 2013 has brought to me, because without 2013 I wouldn't be where I am today.

If We Were Having Coffee...

After seeing several of these posts from friends like Marie and Molli (among several other lovely blogger friends, like Ashley and Jamie who got this going) I had to do one of my own. It seemed very... necessary... to me. Feel free to share a comment below or even talk about it on Twitter with me. ^_^


If we were having coffee... I would tell you that I have gone through a lot of ups and downs in the last few years. Although it has gotten a lot better in recent times, I still have my moments, moments of questioning if I'm truly happy. While these "downs" try to completely bring me down, I've grown so much stronger as time has gone on that they never do. They do take their toll on me, there's no doubt there. But if you were to compare how I react today to how I reacted a few years ago, you would see how much I've learned to let go and move on. I have resolved to turn these bad moments into fuel to make things positive again. And that's what keeps me going.

If we were having coffee... I would say that this last year has been full (and I mean FULL) of new things. These things aren't all big things either (like moving out on my own). It's the little things too. Like how the other day, a stranger at the gas station told me that the front tire on my car was low and I should fill it up. This time last year, I probably would have had a panic attack over what to do, but the new me? I pulled my car around to the air compressor and filled it up, even though I've never used one before. It has been quite a learning experience for me. Sometimes it's scary to be put in new situations or learn new things, but it has been very good for me. Empowering.

If we were having coffee... I would tell you about how I've been going through a little bit of a reading and writing slump lately. It's been a back and forth thing all year long, but I've been noticing that it's really changing. I love to read but I think that my blog has gotten in the way of my writing. It's a catch-22 though because this blog is what helped GET me there with my writing and publishing my first novel. It's frustrating that I feel like I have to choose between the two.

If we were having coffee... I would admit that it's not only my blog getting in the way of my writing. It's also because of, you guessed it, distractions. Numerous people in my life can attest to my tendency toward ADD. Sometimes it's ADD, sometimes it's just me feeling a little off my game, maybe a little unmotivated. And sometimes a little bit overwhelmed. Writing and publishing If Only We has been an accomplishment beyond my wildest dreams. But getting me to sit down and focus on the next one? I still haven't figured out that trick. I'm getting better though because I'm determined to keep writing. There are so many stories in me that need to be written. I just need to convince myself of this and not allow all these distractions to distract me. Easier said than done but I'll get there.

If we were having coffee... I would tell you how frustrated I am figuring things out. I have all these dreams and hopes and desires and wishes and it constantly feels like they're going to go unfulfilled. When I start to feel that way, it starts to erode my motivation. Yet, remember what I was saying above about how differently I would have reacted a year ago? It's the same here. I may keep getting frustrated, irritated, and, yes, sometimes even mad when things seem to be going the wrong way. But buried away inside of me is this thing. And this thing is called determination. And that determination is what keeps me moving forward, continuing to dream and hope and desire and wish, and I know that someday everything will fall into place. All I need to do is keep working toward it, and never give up.

If we were having coffee... I would say that I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Everything and everyone in it I am grateful for. I may have goals to meet and places to see but I am always going to love and cherish everything and everyone that leads me to them. Because without everything and everyone in my life right now, those things wouldn't be on the horizon waving me in. There are beautiful things in the world around us and if we choose to believe in them AND believe that we ourselves can reach them, life will be amazing.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/434949276483934435/

So, there you have it my lovely friends. My coffee confessions. It would be great to hear what you would have to say if we were having coffee. ^_^

The Trouble With Being A Book Blogger... Problem #1: Kind Of A Reading Slump But Not

http://pinterest.com/pin/362328732491327599/

I love to read.

That's what made me want to become a book blogger after all. Love of reading. I enjoy diving into these made up places and meeting these amazing characters and falling into this glorious world that feels so real.

I've noticed that something has changed for me though. This year, I haven't been reading like I used to. Sure, I have had a lot going on this year... but at the moment, other than revising my novel, I really don't. So what has happened? It's not that my love for reading is gone, it's certainly still there.

I may have figured part of it out. I think I put too much in front of myself. I'm not talking about my yearly reading goal, that's still reasonable, and reachable. I'm talking about personal expectations. Like my goal to read 2-4 classics and catch up on my giveaway wins and read-to-review books. These are all great things that I had every intention to do... but for some reason, I just can't. Not entirely. I am trying, don't get me wrong. I've managed to do pretty good considering how much I have on the table there. I'm just not always in the mood for these books, at least, not in this exact moment.

Same goes for everything else. Like on my weekly update posts, I had that little section showcasing the books "Up Next". I decide on a couple books I want to read next... and then it sort of makes me feel obligated to read them next. So I force myself to read them, even though I might not be in the right frame of mind or in the mood for it. I do end up enjoying most of them in the end though. It just seems to take me forever to read some of them.

I'm not in a rut. I've got some great books to read. Really great books. What I'm thinking though is that maybe I need to stop forcing myself to read something out of a sense of duty. I need to just go to my shelf or pick up my Nook and see what sounds good to me in that moment. No more picking out a book just because I "need" to read it. I want to pick one up and get sucked in immediately and finish it in a day or two. I want that joy from reading again.

And I CAN have it again.

I just need to stop the high expectations, stop the obligations, start really loving to read again. So this is my determination: Rediscover my pure love of books again.

Have you ever reached this point?
Felt overwhelmed by personal expectations that you lose the love you originally had?
What have you done to make it better?

When Books Are Made Into Movies (1)

There has been a boom of YA books being made into movies. And it only seems to be increasing as time goes on. It's very exciting to me, because I don't bother with most movies anymore. They just don't appeal to me. But, when I read a good book, and see it's being made into a movie, it makes me excited. It's like *FINALLY!* something I want to see.

Today I'm going to share with you a couple I need to read before I see the movie.

~*~

The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones

Author--Cassandra Clare

Release Date: August 23rd 2013

Read about the movie on IMDb

Read about the book on Goodreads

This is one I have been planning on reading for awhile but just haven't gotten around to it. The premise is so intriguing, and I'd really like to know what the whole Team Jace and Team Simon thing is all about... and make my choice. There are a lot of fans of Cassandra Clare around and I'm sure there's a good reason for it. So I must get to this one soon!

~*~

The Host

Author--Stephenie Meyer

Release Date: March 29th 2013

Read about the movie on IMDb

Read about the book on Goodreads

After reading all the books in the Twilight series, you can't help but be curious about what else Stephenie Meyer writes. I started reading this one back when I finished Twilight, but at the time, I just didn't feel like getting into it. Now that a movie is coming out, I feel the need to give it a go again. It's an interesting story idea, you have to admit that! We'll see how it stands.

~*~

What movies are you excited to see? Are there any you haven't read yet but really want to read before the movie comes out? Tell me all about it!

~Jessica

I'm Addicted to Series Books More Than I Knew

If you take a look at the book market, you notice there are a lot of books that are part of a series. For myself, I tend to shy away from as many of them as I can. A lot of the premises tend to be the same, and certain genres have started to annoy me with the ridiculousness of their similarities to each other and other book series already out there. So I honestly avoid a few of them like the plague.

However, I decided to take a look into how many of them I am not only into at the moment but also am interested in. My first stop was my bookshelf. I was… surprised… by the results. But what I own is not everything I’ve read or plan to read. I had to dig deeper.

And dig deeper I did. (Say that three times fast.)

I went through my Goodreads series shelf, alphabetically by author, and began to chart different things. What I discovered was, highly exasperating. My results were quite insane. I am going to share them with you.

Bear in mind, these are just approximate numbers/percentages. It took me hours (over three separate days) of compiling the data and staring at a screen and remembering which check marks I made where. It is very likely I missed a few books or possibly double check marked a couple times. So, like I said, approximate, but, it’s still close enough. *

~*~

TOTAL OF SERIES **: 173

DIFFERENT AUTHORS: 144

SEPARATE BOOKS *** : 684

TOTAL OF SERIES I OWN: 60

SEPARATE BOOKS I OWN: 128

~ 87% YOUNG ADULT ~ 5% ADULT ~ 8% CHILDRENS ~

~ 32% READ ~ 68% HAVEN’T READ ~

~ 9% FINISHED ~ 15% WILL NOT CONTINUE ~

~ 76% TO BE FINISHED/STARTED ~

~ 20% INDIE ~ 80% TRADITIONAL ~

~ 61% PARANORMAL & DYSTOPIAN ~
~ 39% CONTEMPORARY ~

~ 42% STARTED ~ 58% NOT STARTED ~

~ 35% OWNED ~ 65% NOT OWNED ~

~ 19% OWNED ~ 81% NOT OWNED ~

~ 54% OWNED ~ 46% TO BE PURCHASED ~

~ 41% READ ~ 59% UNREAD ~

~*~

It makes me truly realize how far behind I am. And how many series I really, REALLY need to get to. I would like to have the percentages to at least half of the series started, also more series completed. It just seems so ridiculous how many series I have taken on.

Ah, the life of an avid book reader.

Not that I suggest calculating the perilous evil of the above for any of you, but where do you think you stand? Are you diligent about finishing series that you’ve started or do you start so many that you barely have enough time to read the next book when it comes out? Or do you try to read more standalones because series books drive you nuts to keep up with?

I would love to hear your thoughts!
 

~Jessica

* For the sake of making it look neat and orderly, I have adjusted the percentages to whole numbers instead of decimals.
** Including ones I have started, finished, won’t finish, and haven’t started yet.
*** Not including ones from the childhood series I am no longer reading (i.e. series with hundreds of books like The Baby Sitter’s Club, Sweet Valley Twins, ETC. which really throw the percentages way off base)

PS: For the sake of clarity as to the reasons why I subjected myself to the above, I decided to make a pie chart for that as well.

Note: All pie charts in this post were made on this website. Check it out, it was actually fun. ;)

Important Information All Book Bloggers Should Know!

Disclaimer: The following is not being shared to make you paranoid, just to inform you of some of the things I have just learned and find relevant to a number of my followers. Take a look at it and you can do with this knowledge as you please. I just felt obligated to share and provide some thoughts on how I plan to proceed. Thanks for reading!


I was scrolling through Google Reader and came across this post about pictures on your blog on Angela's Anxious Life. As I started to read the bullet points she shared from another article, I immediately had to pull said article up. What I read come as a shock to me.

Here's the breakdown (as I see it):

If you use a picture without having permission from the originator, regardless of whether you list the source of the picture and didn't claim it was your own work, YOU COULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE AND SUED.

It's no joke. The blogger on the original article WAS sued. It's not something to be taken lightly. Sure, considering all things it is possible you may not have this happen to you... BUT it doesn't mean that it could NEVER happen.

Which is why I am working on a massive project of removing all pictures on my blog that are not my own and replacing them with either creative commons pictures OR my own. Also, I am strongly considering deleting my Pinterest account. I remember reading this article talking about the legal ramifications of being held liable if you pin a picture you don't have permission to pin. Pinterest in their Terms of Service clearly state under their disclaimer (#9) that you are held responsible for anything you pin.

Like I said, it may not ever become an issue. The bottom line for me is the following:

I do not want to do something illegal period AND I cannot afford to pay legal fees and compensation for use of a picture to the copyright owner.

I just wanted to share this with my followers, as it is something you may not be aware of. Take a look at all the articles I list below (which includes one on finding photos for your blog). It was a real eye opener for me and I hope it helps my fellow bloggers out as well!

~Jessica

Learn more:

• "Pictures on your blog... a coming lawsuit?" on Angela's Anxious Life
• "Bloggers Beware: You CAN Get Sued For Using Pics on Your Blog - My Story" by Roni Loren
• "Reluctant to Join Social Media?" on The Bookshelf Muse
• "Where to Get Photos For Your Blog" on Meghan Ward's Writerland
• "A Lawyer Who Is Also A Photographer Just Deleted All Her Pinterest Boards Out Of Fear" by Alyson Shontell

On My Mind: Zoo Pictures, Including LEMURS!!! (4)

As promised... zoo pictures!  I suppose I don't need to say too much about them... These were all taken at my zoo, The Toledo Zoo. I've gone there for years upon years, so I've seen most of these lovely animals since I was a youngster. And now they've got my favorite animal in the world--LEMURS--so I had to get a membership and plan on going there a few times just to watch them later this year. ^_^

Without further adieu... the pictures... ENJOY!

~*~

LEMURS!!!

Mom with baby!

This is the daddy, he came up to the window to say hi to us.

This picture won the prize for the day--the babies were running around like crazy.

Looking right at me.

Family :)

The baby just looks SO CUTE!!!

OTHER ANIMALS

Two baby tigers that are almost adult size, the one was cleaning the other, so cute!

One of the nicer close-ups I got of the penguins.

I think they were anticipating food, or staying cool in their cave.

I think this was the baby we saw last year, he's grown SO MUCH!

New baby with mom. CUTIE!

Giraffe--my mom told me back in the day you could actually touch them!

His tongue is sticking out. :P

Couldn't get a good shot of the Cheetah, but check out the chipmunk stuffing his cheeks!

Epic duck shot.

FLOWERS

~There's a whole section of just flowers and I couldn't help but take a few shots.~

And finally... me, being me

It's a bee!!!

Hope you enjoyed the little trek through my zoo trip!

~Jessica

What do you think of books that are retellings of or inspired by classics?

Great movie, you must watch it.

I told you guys recently that I came up with a new story idea that has me giddy with excitement. What is the idea? I can’t say yet, I don’t want to jinx it. But, as you can tell from the title of this post, it is inspired by another story that has already been told.

As of the moment I’m writing this post, I have just started reading For Darkness Shows The Stars by Diana Peterfreund, which was inspired by Jane Austen’s Persuasion (one of my favorites as far as the story goes, and the movie, see picture above). Other than this one, I don’t think I’ve read many books that retell classic tales. The only other one that comes to mind is Jekel Loves Hyde by Beth Fantaskey. Of course, there’s also several movies I’ve seen that are supposed to be just like a classic story (fairy tale or even Shakespearean). Other than that, I’m in the dark as far as a retelling goes.

I’ve been doing some brainstorming on the idea. Thinking about the different directions I could take the story, like whether I want to make it modern or futuristic. If I make it futuristic, will it be just somewhat science fiction or an all out dystopian universe?

Also, trying to work out the details of the story itself. Like, how close should it or can it be to the original? And by how close, I mean, how many scenes/ secondary characters can I replicate in some way? Is there a certain point you’re allowed to go to without making it a complete duplication of the original? Because there are a lot of aspects to the story I want to retell that I absolutely adore, but I’m in a quandary as to which ones should be left on the cutting room floor.

I probably won’t be able to get this one going for at least a year. There’s a lot to work out as far as the plot itself goes, not to mention the setting. I would like to take more time looking into the original too. And it will give me plenty of time to read a few inspired by/retellings in the meantime to see how it is done.
 

But… I still want some opinions from my followers…

What do you think of retellings?
Have you read any?
Have you written any?
How close is it to the original?
Is it just slightly inspired or heavily inspired?

Thank you in advance for the thoughts and suggestions!